Yeah.

So I’ll probably be around the whole day. I’ve decided to take a break from rping. And from almost every other form of internet communication including my emails, skyping and messenger. Only my blogs and facebook stays active for the next couple of days, maybe weeks. I need to get my head sorted out. As impossible as that might currently seem. And feels. And probably is. But I can try anyway. It might make me feel better.

No, don’t worry. I’m not really all that depressed. Just confused. I heard somewhere today that one of the signs of depression is loss in appetite. Well, no worries there then. I am hungry, I just don’t feel like eating. Oh great. That doesn’t sound very reassuring does it. Oh well. Deal.

I don’t know why I still bother opening up to people. All they ever do is hurt you. I should make like I use to: be friendly, but keep everyone at an arm’s length. Not that much chance of getting hurt if you do that. So I’ll just go into safe mode again, turn off the feelings and pain. Back to numbness. Which I had just managed to get over. Even though I know that being numb again is worse in the long term than feeling, I don’t even care. Numb takes everything away. Most of the time. Except in my dreams. But at least I have more than half of my 24 hours available then. I am actually mentally going through the motions of flicking switches. Switching off the sadness, the happiness, the anger, the hurt, the caring… my conscience stays though. I hate it sometimes, but I can’t bear switching it off. At least I still have that. Which means that I won’t turn into a serial killer or something. So the conscience has to stay. Don’t really mind all that much. That’s the one thing that’s always been there.

Numb again now. And still hungry. But I can’t be bothered with eating. I’ll probably be forced to later today anyway.

I don’t know how I survived without blogging the last couple of weeks. All I want to do right now is blog. I still think it’s addictive. Just googled it and the general consensus is yes. Honestly, where would we all be without google? We’d live our lives in the dark without any opinions on half of the things in the world. At least with google, we get to read other people’s opinions and then adopt them as our own (depending on who has the nicest fonts and graphics)… all in the name of education. Great isn’t it.

But back to the whole addictive thing, apparently is triggers the limbic system in the brain, which is the part of your brain that controls drives. Here’s the address if you’re interested:http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/is_blogging_addictive_/Content?oid=496375

So I guess this means that you develop a ‘drive’ for blogging the same way you would for food or music (if you’re into that). Interesting.