Argh. My weekend was brilliant, thank you. It really was. And I will tell you all about it at some point in time. But not right now. Right now, I’m blogging in an effort to get rid of this feeling clinging to me.

I have been fine for about two weeks now, I think (I couldn’t be sure. My sense of time is generally warped).  And that is really good (the fact that I have been up, not the fact that my sense of time is warped). I feel sick. And so tired. So tired of being okay. I’m just tired. I want to sleep so I can just forget everything and stop thinking.

I feel sick. And, although I’ve been clean of those thoughts for about two weeks, they are back in full strength atm. It might make me feel better. But then looking at my arm makes me sick. Not that it matters. I’m already feeling sick. But I swore I wouldn’t. Else I wouldn’t be here blogging, I’d be busy. *sighs, shudders and shrugs*

nvm

Strangely enough, reading depressing literature makes me feel better. Or maybe it makes me feel worse. I’m not sure what the difference is anymore. At least I feel something that way.
I am quite sure that I was in a better mood yesterday than I have been for months. And now I’m completely down. Interesting. Maybe I’m not really down, I’m just feeling the serious contrast between very up and normal. Maybe.
As you might have noticed, I have developed this habit of psycho-analyzing everything I do. All my little mannerisms, likes, dislikes, reactions, everything. I pshychoanalyze it. I wonder why I do that. *stops herself before she starts analyzing that*

/me sighs

Maybe I’m not feeling sick, but hungry. That isn’t likely, though. I’ve eaten decently today. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I shouldn’t eat. *sighs*

I don’t know. I don’t care. I should be studying. I can barely get myself to type. I just want to curl up on my bed with the windows and curtains wide open and watch the rain. Or the rain-sky at least, It’s stopped raining for the moment.

I still feel sick.

It’s gorgeous outside. The sky is a pinkish grey and all the plants are alive with wind. Beautiful. And the dried stains of old rain rivulets against the window just adds to the effect.

So…

Yeah whatever. This isn’t helping. I still feel horse-manurishy. I’ma go try and do something constructive. Piano maybe.

~ by cravingoxygen on November 4, 2008.