I feel numb, but pleasantly so. It definitely doesn’t feel like anything’s wrong. Maybe this is why teenagers are forced to go to school. To prevent them from becoming pleasantly numb vegetables (see last post).I know that I’m only writing in simple sentances and it might seem kinda weird, but I’m totally writing thoughts here, not a conversation or an essay, so what the hey.

Never mind that though. This is where I’m supposed to rant so that’s what I’m gonna do.
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Weird, now that I’m about to write, I can’t think of anything to write. Wonder why. Why is it that the moment you sit down to start writing, you strike a blank or the moment you scrape a couple of hours together for a nice, uninterrupted read, you can’t seem to get into the zone. Almost like when you want to show someone something, you can’t do it even though you did it a hundred times before. Yeah… the mysterious workings of the human mind.

Tell me something: am I the only one who wants to achieve something great in life? Why is everyone else happy being an average person at an average job with average friends?
I don’t want that for my life one day. I want to be someone one day. I want to make an impression on the world and the people around me. I don’t want to be average or do some boring work one day. I keep hearing about these brilliant people like scientists and mathematicians who do things like work at Plascon or test different soaps and foods. I don’t want that for my life.
I don’t want to have the qualifications and then do something boring. I want to be known and important. I don’t want to be a scientist and then test different foods. I don’t want to be a brilliant programer and then program vending machines or something. I don’t want to be a doctor and then monitor elderly patients (No offense meant against anyone by this). I, I don’t know. I just want more from life than the everyday. Maybe I’ve been watching too much tv or reading too many books, but I want something from life. I do not want my life to be normal or average. EVER!!! Maybe that’s just me, I don’t know.
Maybe this is some type of phsycological condition. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard like that shrink said. But I wouldn’t be able to survive if my life were average. I would, I don’t know, turn into a criminal in
search for excitement or something. There are times when being a criminal mastermind has it’s appeal. I wouldn’t actually steal anything, I’d just steal it and then give it back. The problem is that if I get caught, I somehow don’t really think they’ll believe me. And anyway, if I do pull it off, no-one will mind me stealing stuff anymore since I keep giving it back anyway which kind of gives the whole notoriety thing less appeal. Since I won’t really be notorious, just considered crazy. Which defeats the whole purpose.
But I’m wandering away from the point here. Am I the only one who really wants something exciting from life? Are people like these really happy with their lives? I can’t understand it.
And since my life
has been relatively boring so far, I guess that’s why I game and why I read. Because I can’t bear te thought of being everyday, normal and average. Because when I read and game, I get to be someone else and experience things that I’d never get to otherwise.
I hate it when I analyze myself like that.
But there’s nothing wrong with that is there? I mean, what am I supposed to do when there is no way for me to solve a murder case or trek from one end of the universe to the other or be an infamous hacker or a notorious piratess? There are times when I seriously think that I was born in the wrong time period. I should have been born almost any time except now. I even missed Apartheid, that’s how dull my life has been. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not praying for a national disaster, or for Christians to become outlawed or for a war or to be kidnapped or anything. But still. I might not get to fight dragons or privateers in this age, but I can get a great career where I can do something almost as good.
Which is why I don’t get why people are happy with their jobs. Maybe I’m too imaginative. Or insane. Or just different. Maybe I read more than the average teen. Maybe I game more than the average South African teen that I know. I’m not being judgemental here, just theorizing.
Like I’ve said, my way of being adventurous would be to do something great someday. Maybe other people don’t like being adventurous. Or maybe they consider taking a different route home from work to be adventurous. I don’t know.I’m going to shut up now, stop theorizing and go back to being a depressedly happy vegetable.
See ya later.

Your local Randomly Ranting Sarcastic Poet

~ by cravingoxygen on April 8, 2008.